Leading the Brigade of Bitter Black Men

Many months ago I was having a conversation with a group of women about whether women could be good leaders. Yes, I know. Yes, in 2013. Anyway, I, of course, said yes, women can lead. Another woman said no, in fact, women would not make good leaders because they are too emotional (because of PMS).

Men, however, were not emotional, she reasoned. They are logical and rational and all things well thought out and planned. (Months later, she followed up that conversation to say that if she had to choose between two leaders, one man vs. one woman, that she, a woman, would choose the man because of something like men have more sense. Sigh.)

If ever that conversation comes up again—and I’m sure it will—I will use the recent antics of boxer Floyd Mayweather and former Scandal star Columbus Short to counter her poor argument. These two are the new exhibits A for men with mismanaged emotions, bad logic, and just plain poor judgment.

Last Thursday Mayweather, who should have been focused on his then-upcoming fight, decided it was a great idea to publish the alleged medical records of his former fiancee, Shantel Jackson, whom he broke up with a year ago. Mayweather posted a photo to Instagram of what he indicated were Jackson’s sonogram pictures with documents showing that she had aborted their twins. The caption read: “The real reason me and Shantel Christine Jackson broke up was because she got an abortion and I’m totally against killing babies. She killed our twin babies.”

Maybe Mayweather thought that people would think his ex was a horrible person for having had an abortion, but the general sentiment of dismay was directed squarely at him. Viewers were appalled and found his latest stunt—the most recent in several antagonistic acts toward his ex—deplorable. For many who didn’t know or didn’t care why the couple broke up, suddenly it made sense why she wouldn’t want to be with him, because who does that to their ex? And for those who may have cared enough about their relationship to follow it and thought Mayweather’s ex was in it for the money, his latest actions did more to clear her name than harm it.

Can we talk like adults here? There’s a blueprint for rich, celebrity men and the gorgeous women who date them. Part of the architecture of these arrangements is the woman gets pregnant and attempts to guarantee herself an 18-year payday. Jackson was pregnant with twins by a multimillionaire. She chose to walk away from that situation with no strings attached. Instead of speculating about Jackson’s morals, as I’m sure Mayweather anticipated, everyone was wondering how bad Mayweather is as a companion that she passed on what many would consider a “come up.” His actions revealed a lot—in a good way—about Jackson’s character.

Short, amid a post-Scandal spiral, apparently missed Mayweather’s backlash, because on Sunday he took a page from Mayweather’s How to Be a Bitter Ex handbook and allegedly released video footage of his estranged wife—the same wife who recently alleged that he attacked her in their home and threatened to kill her and himself—fighting another woman. I guess he was trying to sway public opinion to show that he was the victim in their relationship. The video shows Short’s wife overpowering another woman and calling her a “bitch.” Out of context, it looks bad. But is it?

The alleged backstory is that Short was put out of the marital home after his wife accused him of beating her. The following day, he showed up to collect his belongings with another woman in tow, a woman who entered the house.

I’m going on record as saying violence should be avoided whenever possible. However, it’s a rare person who is going to find complete fault with a wife who goes off when another woman is in her home and refuses to leave.

Read more: here

"V. Stiviano: The Frank Underwood of Gold Diggers"

Everybody’s talking about gold-diggers again because of Clippers’ owner Donald Sterling’s lady friend V. Stiviano, who everyone keeps calling his "girlfriend", but is, in fact, his mistress as Sterling has been married for 50— five-zero— years.

But I digress…

Sterling and Stiviano’s recorded phone conversations in which Sterling asked Stiviano, who is half-Black and half-Mexican, not to take pictures with Black people or “minorities” or bring them to Clippers’ games have dominated the national news since Saturday evening when TMZ broke the story. Damn near everyone thinks Stiviano leaked the audio to get back at Sterling’s wife for accusing her of, then suing her for embezzling money and/or swindling Sterling out of around 2 million in gifts/cash, which is why Stiviano is now being called a gold digger.

It’s likely she is. She appears to be in her early 30s, her paramour is 80—likely older than Stiviano’s own father-- and married. And he’s not like Harry Belafonte old where you can look at him and see there was a time where he could get it. He’s this kind of 80:

Sterling wasn’t getting no parts of the….  and not even a second glance if he wasn’t tricking on Stiviano.

And trick he did. According to the LA Times, Stiviano’s gifts (as listed in the wife’s lawsuit) “included a 2013 Range Rover, a 2012 Ferrari and TWO Bentleys… Moreover, Stiviano allegedly received $1.8 million from Mr. Sterling to buy a duplex [in her name] near the Beverly Center in December 2014 with additional $240,000 for maintenance and living expenses.”

She’s about to cake up even more. According to another report by TMZ—who seems to be getting a grand kick out of this ordeal— Stiviano is rumored to have 100 more hours of additional recorded conversations. Sterling allegedly called his (I assumer former) mistress last night to inquire “How can we make this go away?”  She referred her ex-beau to her lawyer, likely to talk about a millions of dollars check.

Ca-ching.

As a feminist, I think I’m supposed to be against gold-digging women. I’m not sure. There’s no official rule-book called, “How to Be A Good Feminist”, and the unspoken rules seem to change daily. So not knowing what the official party line is, I’ll offer my own take, which might surprise people: I’m not really against it… when it’s done right (my caveat.)

Let's be adults here. Men who have money and flaunt it like a peacock’s plumage  largely do so to attract women-- attractive women-- who like said money. In exchange for expensive purchases and hopefully a lifestyle upgrade, said woman overlooks man’s gigantic flaws, strokes his ego, serves as a trophy, and provides great pleasure. Each consenting adult knows what’s going on—even if it’s never directly stated. And both pay—sometimes literally, sometimes figuratively— to “play”.

Is it for me? No. I like being perceived and treated as an equal partner in my romantic interactions, and you can’t even pretend you are when you’re the digger (a mistake a lot of women make, bringing their situations to an abrupt halt.) Also, I have a few friends who don’t call themselves “gold diggers”, but not never would they “mess with a broke n****.” And by “broke”, they mean any guy making less than maybe a couple mil. I’ve heard plenty of stories—not mine to tell— of what they did (or do) to stay in the good graces of their sponsors/ providers. It’s not all fun and games, and there’s a lot of disrespect and turning a blind eye involved.

Take for instance, Stiviano spending four years ****ing a man who thinks Black people like half of her and one entire side of her family aren’t even good enough to be photographed with. Let’s not even get into the fact that whatever tricking he did on her, his wife—who he’s not really estranged from if she’s suing his mistress over chump change* — he did 10x over that on his wife. Baby Girl got a fly condo. I’m sure the Mrs.  has a fly mansion, and  likely some ten-thousand square foot vacation homes—note the plural—too.

Biting my tongue when people say dumb sh** or I’m not being treated right doesn’t suit my temperament. Obviously. It fits for Stiviano and some of my friends. Apparently. We have different priorities. Great.

I don’t knock the hustle. Usually.

My biggest complaint with gold digging isn't that women do it, but that so many sell themselves short for a price far less than "gold". Too many suffer through someone they're not remotely interested in and they trade old/ugly man sex and mediocre treatment for bags, shoes, maybe some rent money and vacations, all of which are known as depreciating items. (And all of which are also spending change to a man with means.)

When a guy gets bored with the arrangement and is ready to be onto the next, way too many paper-chasing women pack up their designer ish that’s worth pennies on the dollar at re-sale, and go back to where they came from to look for the next trick. If the woman’s “lucky” (in this context), she had a baby and so maybe she’s financially secure off child support, that is as long as the guy doesn’t cry broke to the courts (that means you Luda) and  he pays up (not you, Papa Knowles) and he stays flush (not you, Bow Wow). T he kid – and its reprehensible to have a child to secure your financial future--- is no guarantee.

This is not the way it’s supposed to be done. You’re supposed to leave better than how you arrived. And with more than an upgraded wardrobe. You’re supposed to be set and secure, and with enough money to make more money (the purpose of money that everyone forgets or wasn’t taught) so tricking is your one-time come-up, not your way of getting by for the foreseeable future. Got it?

If you are going to be a gold-digging girlfriend/mistress, then be the best you can be and in Yeezus name, get something real out of it like Stiviano. This chick is playing chess, not checkers. She will leave this messy situation with a lovely place to live in her name, and at least a few million dollars in her account – in addition to the quarter million already sitting there— to buy her silence.

Call her a gold digger all you want. Call her morally corrupt if it makes you feel better. But don’t call her stupid. She isn’t.  This chick is operating like Frank Underwood in this piece.