Ask Demetria: Last Minute V-Day Ideas for Your Man

“This is my first Valentine’s Day with my new boyfriend. I’ve waited until the last minute to get my guy a gift and I don’t want to ask him now what he wants. I am clueless about what to get him. Flowers? A massage? Cologne? A sex coupon book? What do I get him? Help!” —S.A.

You’re a procrastinator, like me. I bought my Christmas tree on Christmas Eve, finally got it decorated by 5 p.m. Christmas Day and it sat in a corner—lit—until February. We mean well, but you know how it goes.

Fortunately for us, we’re in luck when it comes to V-Day. In general, men don’t really expect much on this “holiday.” I put that in quotes because many guys think of it as a commercial holiday for which they’re expected to splurge just to meet expectations. They do it because they don’t want to disappoint the woman they care about. And for stand-out guys who make romantic gestures and spoil their women throughout the year—and not just on one particular day—V-Day can feel like an unfair obligation.

As my fiance put it, “Valentine’s Day is like wedding day. It’s all about the woman.” He and his friends, like most men I spoke to about this subject, are really only hoping for a good time spent with their lady and good sex, a reward of sorts for the stress above and beyond what they go through to make the day extra-special for the woman they care about.

If you’re thinking about sending him flowers, buying him something that smells nice or a day of professional pampering, skip that. That’s not what he is expecting. What he’s really looking forward to is spending time with you doing something romantic and then hopefully, more time in the bedroom (or wherever you prefer it) with you.

Instead of a gift, make V-Day special for your great guy another way. After his V-Day plans for you have wrapped, tell him you have a romantic surprise for him—a massage performed by you. This is when you put on your ‘90s slow jams, light a few scented candles, show off your sexy lingerie and break out the water-based massage “oil” since it won’t stain sheets or your outfit.

Your idea for sex coupons will go over well, too. Don’t buy the standard ones you see in sex shops—make the effort to create them yourself so you can add some basics and more importantly, tailor the selection to those fantasies he might have talked about that you two haven’t gotten around to fulfilling yet. Make sure one of them has an expiration for that night.

If you insist on getting him a gift—again, skip the things that we women would normally find romantic—choose something you know he would enjoy. If he collects something in particular, purchase something for him that adds to the collection. You can also rarely go wrong with electronics or an expensive bottle of his favorite drink. A woman on one of my social media pages wrote in to say she’d purchased a bottle of liquor and used a sexy pair of panties to tie a card with a sexy message to the bottle.

Most women would think, “too simple.”

Men responded in droves to say, “Win!”

Read more: here

Ask Demetria: The V-Day Survival Guide for Single Ladies

“Valentine’s Day is around the corner. What would you suggest two young, single girls do so they aren’t home pining over a tub of ice cream?”—K.W.

Valentine’s Day has got to be the worst holiday on earth. And I say that as a woman who hasn’t spent one alone in about six years. There’s so much pressure for single women not to be alone and for women in relationships to have a fairy-tale night and for men to make an absolutely perfect grand gesture that “proves” their love on one very specific, and very arbitrary, day. Most of us just end up anxious, then disappointed because real life doesn’t live up to Hollywood fantasy or budgets.

My advice to you is to think of Feb. 14 as just another day, which I know is next to impossible, with the roses and bears and chocolates and all-pink or -red everything and couples dominating practically every place you look.

I tried to psych myself out one year. I went to the gym after work, which was practically empty, and had the treadmill all to myself, which was great. A few trainers were flirting—and I flirted right back. I figured, if they were on call on that night of all nights, they were probably single. And let’s be real: My ego liked the boost.

I was doing all right until I took the subway home and saw all the women with roses and candy, and all booed up with who I hope was their man and not one borrowed from someone else. And I finally lost it when I was walking the block to my house and some street harasser called out, “You too pretty not to have a man.” I think he meant it as a compliment, but I just felt bad for being alone when everyone else seemed to be paired off. I went home and cried loud enough that my neighbor, also single, came across the hall to check on me. She told me I was being ridiculous, which logically I knew to be true, but still.

Don’t be me.

And you won’t be. You have your girl, and Valentine’s Day is still far enough off that you can devise a plan to avoid a pitiful fate. Try these tips instead:

1. Spoil Yourself

You don’t have a special someone to spoil you? That’s cool. You can always treat yourself to a day at the spa, a trip to the nail or hair salon or a fancy pair of shoes.

2. Date Your Bestie

One of my favorite scenes from Sex and the City is when the women declare that they may not have found husbands, but at least they found one another. You and your girlfriend can dote on each other for a day by sending each other flowers, taking each other to dinner or exchanging cards or gifts.

3. Play Hooky

Valentine’s Day falls on a Friday, which makes it perfect timing for a three-day weekend. There’s still time to book a last-minute Caribbean getaway, and you can get great discounts this time of year.

Read more: here