- Don't f*** with Gloria's Girls
There’s been a war brewing between the Latinas and the Black girls for some time. Not only do they run the kitchen, the Latinas sit front row at movie night and on high pillows that cause them to block everyone’s view. Everything comes to a clichéd head in Episode 6 “Low Self Esteem City” when the Latina showers aka “Spanish Harlem” become backed up with sewage and the Latinas barge into the “ghetto” aka the Black girl showers, demanding to cut the line so they can make it to work in the kitchen on time. Ain’t no way that was going to go over. Vee, who has wiggled her way into the leader of the Black girls, unceremoniously shuts Gloria, the leader of the kitchen and apparently the Latinas, down.
The Black girls pow wow and decide the Latinas need to learn some manners. Taystee and Black Cindy “attack” by tying up their shoelaces while the Latinas are prepping for work. The Latinas retaliate by over-salting their food. Janae asks Daya for a new plate since she’s been sucked into this race beef just because she’s Black. When Daya dismisses her, Janae trips her in the cafeteria. Overprotective for obvious reasons, CO John slams Janae on the floor and takes her commissary for 30 days.
Gloria, who we learn in a backstory is in prison for fraud after she was caught running an EBT scam in the bodega she owned, has had enough. She squares off with Vee in the bathroom to hash out the Latina/Black girl beef. Vee complains to Gloria that she’s “too old for this sh—“ and is willing to barter: the “Spanish girls” can have the “ghetto” bathroom in exchange for transferring the Latinas in the warehouse to the kitchen so the Black girls can work the warehouse. It’s a deal.
Gloria thinks she has the upperhand with Vee until Red storms into the kitchen later, telling Gloria more or less that Vee played her entirely and “you have no idea what you’ve done.” Vee's up to something we just don't know what yet.
Over in Piperland, Piper’s mother and brother come to visit, and in the most round about way ever, reveal her grandmother is dying. Piper goes to Healey to ask for “furlough” to say goodbye to granny, reminding him that he did nothing when Pennsatucky attacked her. Healy still says “no”
Healy, who I’m slowly starting to believe is bipolar, goes to a local bar (sans wife since he talks to her so bad) and runs into Caputo. The guys get drunk and bond over how much they hate their jobs, particularly Fig. Healy would prefer not to talk to women about women’s issues, and Caputo just wants the bathroom fixed and for Fig to act like she cares about the inmates. This conversation gives Healy a change of heart about Piper’s furlough and he agrees to submit paperwork for a 3-day release.
Piper calls Larry for the first time since they’ve broken up and she sounds like Piper wants to work things out. Larry says he’s missed her as well. Womp, womp. Note to Piper: two dysfunctional people in a relationship does make it functional.
Some Other Thoughts….
* What was Black Cindy thinking referring to the Black guard as “Sister”?!
*Big Boo and Nicki decide to do a “Bang Off”, a competition for how many women they can have sex with in a given amount of time. When Boo pulls ahead in the game, Nicky sabotages her success by spreading a rumor that Boo has an STI.
*Gloria’s abusive boyfriend was a douche who had a bad ending coming, but even so, I felt bad to see him go out that way. RIP Arturo.
*Best line of the episode: “It’s hate speech, it’s not meant to be accurate. It’s meant to be hateful.”
What did you think of Episode 5?