*SPOILER ALERT* 

*SPOILER ALERT* 

*SPOILER ALERT* 

I just wrapped S5. I have thoughts. So, so many thoughts.

PLEASE NOTE: This “reaction” is only for folks who have watched the entire season. If you’re trying to keep up with the storyline, it won’t happen here. This is not a traditional recap.

This whole, long season picks up right where it left off a year ago. We cover 4-5 days in Litchfield where a riot/rebellion is taking place in the aftermath of Poussey’s death. It’s an interesting, if surreal, angle: what happens when the inmates take over the prison?

A lot. A whole lot. Some I was pleased with (like the guard who did the strip tease), a lot I was “meh” about, but all in all it held my attention long enough to make it thru the whole season in its opening weekend.  

So like I said, some thoughts:

Because OITNB has a million characters, I’m only mentioning the ones that actually stood out to me.

Um... how do I say this right? I don't much care about any of the storylines that don't involve brown people. And that's not me being racist. I watch white people's stories all the time. Just none of stories from the white characters pulled me in this season. The saga of the bunker? Meh. Morello being preggers? Meh. Though she did get a rise out of me when she took Suzanne off her meds. I was PISSED. Red being humiliated? Sad, because I like Red and she’s an old lady, but still Meh. The two meth heads? Meh. Pensatucky? Meh. Nicky? Nice makeover, but meh. The MCC chick masquerading as an inmate Interesting twist, but still meh. Boo? Meh. The fake Martha Stewart? Didn’t care at all. Alex and Piper's engagement? Gigantic and consistent meh. I did feel bad for the lady who found out her dude had moved on via Instagram.